Monthly Archives: March 2019

Offense

30 Saturday Mar 2019

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Welcome to the part two of my blog post. Earlier this month, I published part one called, “Defense”. I shared of my experience earlier in life as a High School volleyball coach, and things to consider about offense and defense in an athletic competition. I used this concept to drive a spiritual point that I feel benefits all of us. Let me remind you of a couple key points.

When we think about one team being on offense and the other being on defense during a given portion of a competition, we could think about many concepts, but the one I want us to focus on is opposing forces with the end goal of winning.

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Unfortunately, if feels that we are constantly surrounded by division. We find it in politics, in the workplace, in homes and families, and even in the church. This type of opposing forces can come with a greater price than just the loss of an athletic competition. With a variety of opinions comes an opportunity for us to become offended or defensive. While a strong offensive and defensive strategy may be critical to win in sports, allowing a spirit of offense or becoming overly defensive could cause you to lose big in your natural and spiritual life.

Since these two issues can take such a toll on our love walk and our peace, I divided this topic into two parts. If you missed the first part, you can scroll down on the web site to read it at secretplacerevelation.com. Today, I want to continue the topic by looking at the offensive side.

In our humanness, we have opportunities every day to offend others or to become offended by someone’s actions or words. Many times those situations are totally unintentional and misunderstood. I can certainly say that there have been times I have been sharing a heartfelt message, only to listen back and hear that my word choices didn’t portray the message I intended to share at all.

There are times of misunderstanding because of the perceptions of the hearers and unfair expectations of others. Adding more complication, we live in a world with countless electronic communication methods, where our written and voice messages, or even lack of response to a message, can be interpreted in many ways.

While some situations that could cause offense are very innocent, we must also face the reality that many truly are cruel. I have often said that hurt people hurt people. When we are suffering physically, spiritually, or emotionally, our actions and words may become offensive.

Regardless of the intent of another person’s actions or words, we personally have a choice whether to pick up an offense or let it go. I like to think about it like picking up rocks. I grew up in the country, and as a young girl, I played outside much of the time. I remember picking up rocks for my dad to clear for mowing or even to use to build the outline of a pretend house. I would use my shirt to gather all of these rocks, stretching the fronts and staining them as I added more and more rocks to take back to my place of building.

If you pictured every offense you are currently carrying as a rock, how heavy is your load? The reality is simple; offense hurts the one receiving it much more than the one who caused it, whether intentional or not.

I believe we are to choose to try to see the best in others. I am thankful that so many have done that for me when I have unintentionally caused pain. I also believe it is important to forgive even when the offense was intentional. Let’s face it, we all make mistakes at times. This passage from the Bible makes this clear.

“Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.” Colossians 3:12-15 NLT

When we feel the sting of the hurt others have caused us, this passage can be challenging to follow. When the offense feels too big to forgive, just remember that Jesus is our perfect example. He was innocent, no one could find any fault in him, yet he endured such inhuman treatment when he was beaten and sent to the cross. He bore every hurt we could imagine, and he sees and understands your pain. When you are willing to let it go, he will help heal those wounds.

I am not understating the “offense” you may have endured; I am suggesting that you have a choice to make in what you do with it. You can react to it, by holding on to it and becoming bitter or you can do better by responding with love and forgiveness.

Will you lay down your rocks? Will you choose bitter or better? One of the wisest writers of Scripture said, “Love makes up for all offenses” (Proverbs 10:12b NLT). With God’s help, I prefer to throw down my rocks and choose love instead. I hope you will too!

 

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Defense

07 Thursday Mar 2019

Posted by in Christian growth

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Earlier in my career, I had an opportunity to coach High School Volleyball. I joked that after five years of this activity, I decided to give up coaching and keep my Christianity. In all honesty, it was something I enjoyed for a season and I am thankful for the experience. I have been able to look back on those years and apply both the positive and negative lessons learned in many aspects of my life.

53236207_565845720580033_4070223743438290944_nThere are many things to consider about offense and defense in an athletic competition. I want to use this concept in a very different way to drive a spiritual point that I hope will benefit all of us. When we think about one team being on offense and the other being on defense during a given portion of a competition, we could think about many concepts, but the one I want us to focus on is opposing forces with the end goal of winning.

Unfortunately, if feels that we are constantly surrounded by division. We find it in politics, in the workplace, in homes and families, and even in the church. This type of opposing forces can come with a greater price than just the loss of an athletic competition. With a variety of opinions comes an opportunity for us to become offended or defensive. While a strong offensive and defensive strategy may be critical to win in sports, allowing a spirit of offense or becoming overly defensive could cause you to lose big in your natural and spiritual life.

Since these two issues can take such a toll on our love walk and our peace, I want to divide this topic into two parts. Today, I specifically want to talk about the defensive side.

Have you ever been caught off guard by your own unintended defensive reaction in a given situation? Perhaps you received some unsolicited feedback or criticism about your personal passionate projects. Maybe you are in a discussion where your opinions are overlooked or deemed unimportant. Regardless of the situation, defensive feelings and more importantly the root of the cause of those feelings are painful.

Defensiveness can be a serious problem. It can limit your growth and isolate you from risk taking, which might be required to walk out your God-given destiny. Additionally, defensiveness may limit your ability to mature as a Christian and to be used by God in ministry opportunities. As a Christ-follower, we should want to see forward momentum in our relationship with our Savior and in our efforts to share His love. If we are isolated behind a wall of defensiveness, how can we accomplish this goal?

I recently had an unplanned opportunity to face this challenge. I was in two different situations during the same time where I found myself reacting defensively. I didn’t like the way it made me feel, and I certainly didn’t like the limitations it put on my opportunity for growth. I began to ask myself why I reacted this way. In the first situation, I had to realize that not all feedback is intended to be negative; often its purpose is to help you grow. When we have received hurtful or unfair criticism in past experiences, we can unintentionally put up a wall of defense that is meant to protect us from that type of pain, but it also protects us from advice that may help us succeed.

In the second situation, I had to realize that my initial reaction was related to a passionate belief; however, I needed to take a step back and respond instead of react.

“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.”  James 1:19-20 NLT

My key take-away from this experience is this. My situation was unlike an athletic event, no one had to win! I began this blog defining the key concept of the athletic competition I was referencing as the opposing forces with the end goal of winning. It is an unreasonable expectation to think that everyone will agree with your opinions, and the reality is others are as passionate about their way of thinking as you are.

Much of our defensiveness could be avoided if we did as James instructed in the above verse and become better listeners and slower to speak. When we can put ourselves into another’s perspective, we may see things more clearly from a very different vantage point. This is the place where compromise and growth begins and hate and division can be obliterated.

Next time you find yourself feeling overly defensive, stop and ask yourself if you are reacting or are you responding. Remember to listen for the opportunity not just the criticism, realize that you are who God says you are and don’t allow yourself to be defined by others, and lastly, relax and realize that you don’t have to defend everything. The emotional consequences of being overly defensive are simply not worth it, and the ability to relax and understand that others have the same right to their perspective is liberating.

Stay tuned for part two coming soon about offense!